I am That I am
by the-mpreg-spirit
Summary: Sirry. There'd always been a little something odd about Lily and James' baby, Sirius had known that since before he was born. But never did he guess that the strange young boy who had his mother craving bloodpops would become so crucial to his own life...
1. Chapter 1

_Tingling._

Every time he went near her, he could feel it, shaking him right down to his bones. But he couldn't avoid her, not without offending James. He couldn't tell him either. He knew what reaction that would get out of his friend. So he got used to it, distracting his mind with other thoughts. And eventually, he forgot all about how his stomach turned over, how it felt like ice against his skin, when she brushed against him.

Sirius had known there was something strange from about six weeks after Evans found out she was pregnant. Once the initial euphoria of becoming a father wore off, James, though he would have never told her any of his suspicions, knew it too.

_You remember when we went out for dinner to that Italian restaurant for our anniversary last fortnight?_ He had whispered to him one night in front of the small fireplace in Sirius's flat. _She was so sick, she could barely move for the next three days. She says the pasta must have given her food poisoning but it's phoenix droppings. Lily never gets sick from pasta. Never!_

By the following morning, he had sobered up, and it was never mentioned again.

If he had waited a while, Sirius might have passed the task of being Godfather to Remus, but James had asked him straight after he'd found out and, being surprised yet excited, he'd accepted, clapping him on the back and giving him a hearty congratulations.

He'd never seriously considered backing out until one afternoon out in the backyard. Watching Lily lying on the grass in only a bikini and muggle sunglasses, he'd looked curiously at the stick poking out of her mouth.

Sirius approached her and she turned her head to him as he poked her abdomen, five months gone and starting to protrude out. It'd poked back weakly and Sirius frowned.

"Not a very active one, is it?"

"Yeah, I thought the same thing when it first moved until later that same night. Now it just doesn't stop. It definitely likes to keep its poor mummy awake, just like it's daddy." She'd said, smiling indulgently, and then she'd laid a hand on top of it, clearly not disturbed by the unusual behavior.She must have seen him staring at her mouth because she picked up something from the side of her towel and handed it to him. A small red sucker. Oblivious to its make, he'd thanked her and popped it into his mouth.

Smacking his lips at the strange taste, he'd pulled it out and looked at it again. It seemed to be dripping its red covering onto his hand. Recognizing it now, his eyes widened in horror and he rushed inside covering his mouth.

_It's normal for woman to have strange tastes when they're pregnant, Sirius. _Remus, who was training as a healer, assured him through the bathroom door ten minutes later as he continued vomiting up the contents of his stomach, the liquid crimson and making him feeling even worse.

_Treacle tart and egg is strange. Sausage and ice cream is strange. Bloodpops are not just another strange craving!_

Somehow he'd been convinced by Remus that it was normal and life had gone on, though the feeling of horror stayed with him, growing stronger as the pregnancy continued.

They hadn't had another day outside like that again though. James had told them on the next visit that Lily had gotten a strange rash over her belly the next day and the healer advised her to be careful of sunburn.

He was there the night it first happened. 

Lying on their couch dreaming peacefully, Sirius was woken by a scream. He sat up blinking and rubbing his eye tiredly when James rushed into the room, his eyes wide with terror.

"It's Lily."

Letting James go call the healer, Sirius went upstairs cautiously, and as he entered, saw what was wrong. Lying in her long, white silk nightgown, she was clutching her stomach and whimpering in pain, her skin looking almost the same colour as her clothes.

Her eyes were fearful and suddenly rolled back, her body convulsing. He picked her up, holding her still, his heart racing and his breathing fast and panicky, and then he saw it. Her belly, seven months gone by now, jumped and, he could see the skin move, almost as though something was trying to break out….

* * *

Okay, this one's a little darker than I usually write, a bit different, but variety is the spice of life (nothing too heavy though). It'll be Sirius/harry and might just be mpreg later (knowing me, it's gonna be in there somewhere), thats still undecided. Tell me what you think and I'll do more soon if you like it...

Review!


	2. Chapter 2

The healers had put it as a mild case of stress, despite all of both the two twenty-year-old's shouting of what had happened. The seizures had stopped by the time they got her there and clearly, the hospital thought they were wasting their time. They'd discharged a sobbing and terrified Lily that same morning.

"Jamie…" She whispered to her husband, tears running down her cheeks and her hands shaking. "I'm scared. What if something's wrong with the baby?" Sirius watched as James hugged her closely, just as scared as she was.

"It'll be okay Lily, I promise…" Sirius shook his head sadly as they stood embracing. He could feel they were in for heartbreak. That child was not normal. It wasn't going to survive outside her womb and as James' eyes met his, he could see his friend knew that as well.

* * *

The second time it happened was two weeks later. He wasn't at their house, but James had relayed him the details over a shared bottle of his strongest Firewhiskey. 

She'd woken up with the baby kicking hard once again and had actually started bleeding over the sheets. He whispered quickly to Sirius about the marks she'd had that morning from it kicking as a fit passed over her. Sirius knew he was going through enough and didn't mention the gruesome sight of the last time, though that was probably what caused the bruises on her stomach.

* * *

The hospital waiting room was almost empty. Peter had to go off somewhere he wouldn't say and considering it was the full moon, Sirius sat alone in it. He was lying down across four of the seats, holding a magazine above his head and reading an article on pregnancy. 

As James came into the room, he tiredly put his head in his hands and sat in the chair nearest to Sirius's head. Sirius's eyes looked back at him.

"How's she doing?"

"She's okay, sleeping at the moment. You should have seen her face when he was born alive. She started crying, both of us did."

"You were crying?" Sirius's eyes travelled back to the article, not insulting James' weak moment too much. "You know that muggles can actually have their baby underwater? Weird huh?"

"Lily thought about having that, but with everything that's happened, she didn't want to stress him even more." Sirius put down the magazine and sat up, rubbing where his head had been against the hard wooden chair.

"He?" James looked at him and smiled, nodding slowly.

"Yep, Lily says she figured it would be a man sucking the life right out of her before he was even born." Sirius laughed and stretched, narrowly avoiding hitting James's head. "Wanna go see him?"

* * *

Sirius hadn't seen many babies in his lifetime, but he knew just by looking at this one that it was smaller than it should be. His skin was pale, almost white pale, but James said the healers had said that was a temporary result of a long labour. He was wearing only a nappy and lying on his side in the box, purple and blue mists floating around it, clearly spells to help him breathe and stay alive. 

"Why's he in there? Can't you hold him?" Sirius asked and James shook his head, his hand reaching into the hole of the side. The baby was barely bigger than his hand and his little fist gripped James' finger.

"He was born over a month early, so he has to stay in here till he can make it on his own. They say it shouldn't be more than a week.". James left to go see Lily again and Sirius stared down at the baby as it slept. Like James, he reached out to it, stroking the few strands of black hair on his head.

Without warning, his eyes opened, bright green staring up at him. Sirius stepped back suddenly and the eyes still looked into his. Coming forward again, his stroked a finger down his cheek softly. It wasn't as bad as he had thought it would be, but he couldn't ignore the shivers starting down his spine as soon as the little eyes closed again...

* * *

Wow! I'm really pleased with the response to this so far and will reply to every single review as soon as I get home (I'm kind of in a rush to go somewhere with my dad right now) later tonight. Thankyouthankyouthankyou! 

I also must apologise for the short chapters, it's really hard to break this story into pieces, but it'll get easier as it starts to take off.

Once again, thank you! Will update again soon.

(And yes, this is an AU to those who asked.)

Review!


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